Our advice to couples on how they can support one another during cancer treatment

Andy: From the cancer side, I think the one thing I was most thankful for was that I could focus on myself and I could know that Elana was going to think about when I needed to take the medication, what I needed to do next, and constantly know that she supports me. I didn’t feel like I needed to do anything except basically lay on the bed or lay on the couch, have my food, have my medication, and just knowing that she’s there smiling, and those are the three biggest things that I look back on and say that was the support that I needed.

Elana: And I think as a partner, it was really important to keep him as happy as I possibly could. I mean, he was really suffering physically and emotionally and I was suffering emotionally so I really needed to pick him up as much as I could emotionally and he picked me up too! He made me laugh still…maybe I walked into a room and I was disheveled, I hadn’t showered, but he was still calling me beautiful. And to try to continue to talk to each other as you would as if there weren’t a sickness involved. That was really helpful for us.

Andy: On that point, I didn’t need to know…I didn’t want her to say “you’re sick, you’re sick.” I knew I was sick. I just wanted to see her smiling. I didn’t want to feel like I was a weight on somebody else’s shoulders. I knew I was, I mean, that’s reality, but at the same token, seeing her smile just made me feel that much better that she’s at least somewhere internally truthfully smiling. That’s what I was holding onto, that she’s going to smile, we’re going to get through this, and we’re going to have out life back.